No, I’m not writing a Kaius Haunt Christmas story. But if I did…

Let’s start with Dominic. He’s still new enough to the whole vampire thing to be into it. He’s made a lot of grand plans, but it’s doubtful he’ll see all of them through. He picked up a few poinsettias back in November but forgot to water them, so he hid them behind the back sofa in the common room and has had to feign ignorance when Nichol found them. He’s shopping at 11pm Christmas Eve with a list a mile long.

Mickey, on the other hand, has worn nothing but a Santa hat, an ugly Christmas sweater, and jingle bell boxers since December 1. His tinsel garland order was large enough to line every hall and door frame in the Haunt. He’s been blasting Christmas carols for three weeks solid and the others are considering locking him down in the bloodslave quarters until December 26.

Jagger finished his gift shopping in September. Wrapping done by October 1. He checks the pile he’s hidden in his closet weekly to ensure each person on his list has received the same number of presents. His Christmas cards were mailed in July. He remembered to send one to the ancestors of his best friend from childhood.

Rhys spends Christmas Eve in a red housecoat he refuses to close, because he didn’t pick up the Rudolph light up thong for nothing. His presents consist of nameless envelopes stuffed with money, but he did pick up a cool switchblade for Jagger that may or may not be illegal to own in the US. His enemies have received glitter bombs and a signed photograph of him smiling. He eggs Mickey on until Nichol clocks him.

Nichol. Ah, Nichol. Every practical gift was ordered and wrapped between December 1 and 3, perfectly placed on the black wrapping paper to ensure maximum coverage and minimal waste. He’s taken control of the decorating and has spent the past three weeks straightening the outdoor lights after every windy day. He’s bit most of his hauntmates by the 24th and has emailed a Christmas Day schedule to everyone to ensure holiday cheer has been adequately spread across the hourly festivities. He may have sung along to Santa Baby once, but no one heard so it didn’t happen.

Louis uses gift bags and tissue paper to wrap presents. He’s chosen gifts no one else will have thought of but each hauntmate will eventually deem their favorite. He wears a Santa hat whenever he’s around Mickey, but tucks it into his back pocket when Mick leaves the room. His favorite Christmas song is Last Christmas, but he keeps that info close to the chest. He overbought for Dominic and has a stealth video of Nichol singing Santa Baby he has encrypted on his computer for his own enjoyment.

Kaius observes from the sidelines, his gift list ordered and wrapped by Nichol, who also happens to be the only one he trusts to know where the presents are hidden. He enjoys the smell of cookie-scented candles and has hung two bells on the door to his bunker. He cut down the Christmas tree himself and played referee during the decorating when Nichol and Mickey began arguing over light color. He’s spoken to Rhys twice about his inappropriate holiday attire but is impressed with how many he has.

Boy doesn’t participate in any of the festivities. He’s woven pine branches into a small wreath because he enjoys the smell, but keeps it squirrelled away in a drawer in the bloodslave quarters. He doesn’t mind the music Mickey has been playing nonstop because it’s relatively quiet through the cement walls but loud enough to keep him company. O Holy Night is his favorite, preferring Andrea Bocelli’s version over all others. He spends the week beforehand making Christmas crackers for the others and leaves them in an unmarked box under the tree, and although he expects nothing from the others, he secretly hopes someone gets him socks.

There you have it. Christmas at the Kaius Haunt.

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